your cigarette

July 18, 2010 at 10:12 am (Uncategorized) ()

Missed a few weeks on the bus, some interesting voyages, that I had ideas for but not the time to put into words (or pictures as it turned out). This week we journey with Delusions of Adequacy, with two possible prompts, to be funny or poignant, not sure I have managed either.

we stand

all of us

cups of tea in hand

chatting in the yard

waiting for the second van

telling bad jokes

sometimes they kick an old football

back and forth

like kids in the playground

it’s all just casual

but I position myself

next to you

your voice vibrates

in my head

the scent of you

sets my nerves on edge

and I catch a trace of your smoke

from your lungs into mine

it is

intoxicating

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14 Comments

  1. Argent said,

    I’d say you managed both qualities very well indeed. I think all the ordinary images, cups of tea, footballs, cigarettes, the van etc., contrast wonderfully with that so-evocative final word. Bravo!

    • Jeanne said,

      I absolutely love the final two lines of this poetic scenario. You establish the mood and feeling of the speaker so well here. Wonderful!

  2. Manasi Diwakar said,

    ” I catch a trace of your smoke from your lungs into mine it is intoxicating”
    is superb finishing line…
    Lovely 🙂
    ~Cheers

  3. Helen said,

    I found this completely arresting … in a wonderful way!!

  4. Pete said,

    The form of this lends itself very well to the nature of the poem – short staccato sentences echoing the breathless nature of a secret known only to one. I think this is a very brave poem and I enjoyed it immensely.

  5. Enchanted Oak said,

    Mouse, a great yearning is here. Wonderful poem.
    Masochistic Rhythms

  6. Domestic Oubliette said,

    Oh, I really liked this one – I’ve been there!

  7. Jeanne said,

    Not sure I posted my comment in the correct box…. It’s up there… somewhere. ; )

  8. Peadar TotalFeckinEEjit O'Donoghue said,

    I like this a lot, more urban and gritty than tears and flowers, a different angle that works really well, the passive smoking bit takes on a whole new life here!! Exchellento!!

  9. The Bug said,

    I like the transition from just everyday ordinary things to the dreams of the narrator – really nice!

  10. jinksy said,

    Guess smoke in the eyes can confuse the vision…

  11. Poetikat said,

    I think you were very succesful. You had me feeling the heat from this piece and I’m not even a smoker!

    Kat

  12. the watercats said,

    wow! I seriously enjoyed reading this.. it’s like watching an art noir film or something.. beautiful imagery! cheers!

  13. Yvonne Osborne said,

    Oh, I like this. A lot. Very sensual. I, too, catch a trace of the smoke in my lungs. Beautifully rendered poem.

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